Sunday, 12 August 2012

rindu nenek

Bismillah...

Pagi ni redup je... Malam tadi cik yani tidur di rumah adik cik yani dengan niat nak buat kuih raya. Boleh la...separuh siap.Bila nak berkumpul ramai-ramai anak-anak cik yani campur dengan anak-anak sedara memang meriah la jadik nya... Jam 3 pagi pon masih segar mata budak-budak.
Sudahnya pagi ni bila cik yani bawak anak-anak balik rumah semua sambung tidor sampai jam 11 pagi!!

Masa anak-anak tidor cik yani dok belek-belek baju-baju lama... gambar-gambar lama... tiba-tiba dapat SMS  dari cik wan : "Malam tadi lailatul-qadar kot... pagi nih redup je" .

Cik yani pon jenguk kat luar tingkap.Memang redup.Masa tuh tiba-tiba je meresap perasaan yang lain macam dalam hati ini.Sayu sangat... Dada sebak je... Tahun nih puasa macam kosong je...Beriftaar ramai-ramai baru sekali dengan whole big family Aman. Kuih raya pon tak berapa semagat nak buat.Baju raya pon baru siapkan cik wan dengan anak-anak je.Cik yani sendiri macam tak ada semangat.

Sebenarnya...

Cik yani rindu sangat dengan nenek.32 tahun cik yani hidup dengan nafas nenek.32 tahun cik yani dengar suara nenek.Senyum nenek.Setiap kali nak raya nenek dah standby nak buat kuih--kuih kegemaran anak cucunya...Walaupon dah bertahun nenek tak masak lagik untuk hidangan kami tapi sekali sekala air tangan nenek dalam kuih muih nenek amat lazat kami nikmati.

Cik yani ingat lagi tahun pertama cik yani berniaga bazaar Ramadhan..kami tak ada produk sendiri.Cuma ambil kuih-muih dari kawan-kawan dan makcik-makcik.Nenek tak kurang juga gigih membantu buat kuih kaswi dan apam nya utk kami berjualan.Kalau tak habis cik yani la yang menyantap kuih nenek sebab air tangan nenek memang amat sinonim dengan tekak cik yani ni.

Banyak kesilapan cik yani terhadap nenek sepanjang nenek membesarkan cik yani.Paling cik yani takkan maafkan diri sendiri adalah kesalahan pada nenek waktu cik yani berusia 17 tahun.

Satu hari nenek masak kari daging yang sedap sangat.Cik yani makan dengan penuh selera.Sampai ke malam cik yani dok ulang makan kari daging tersebut.Entah macamana esoknya cik yani agak letih dari biasa.Balik dari sekolah pon dah mula marah-marah semua orang.Pergi dapor nak makan cik yani tengok kari daging macam semalam.Tiba-tiba cik yani jadi marah... "orang nak makan ayam.. apesal nenek panaskan lauk semalam je ni" Cik yani bentak-bentak.Cik yani tengok nenek solat.Lepas solat nenek terus tidor.Cik yani pon telefon mama kat tempat kerja mengadu perihal lauk.Mama cakap makan je apa yang ada.Tengahari tu memang cik yani tak puas hati.Macam tak lepas je rasa marah tu.Sudahnya cik yani tidor kelaparan.Mogok.Taknak makan.
Petang tu bila nenek hidangkan minum petang cik yani dah agak reda.Tak marah-marah lagi.Masa tu nenek cakap kat cik yani "Lauk kat dapor tuh lauk baru.Nenek masak untuk along sebab nenek tengok along suka makan kari daging semalam.Along makan sampai tak cukup.Nenek takut along tak puas makan.Harini nenek masak lagi lauk yang sama tapi banyak sikit,Biar along makan puas-puas"
Masa tuh rasa macam kepala cik yani kena hempap dengan langit,Rasa bersalah sangat pada nenek sebab marah-marah.Macamana lah cik yani boleh tak perasan yang lauk semalam tuh cik yani dah habiskan...

Sampai harini cik yani rasa bersalah dengan nenek.Kasih sayang nenek pada cik yani tak ada syarat dan tak berbelah bagi tapi cik yani..... ................... ...............................Memang cik yani kehilangan kata-kata bila cik yani ingatkan kisah ni.Kisah ni buatkan cik yani rasa taknak buat apa-apa salah langsung pada nenek.Seboleh mungkin cik yani nak nenek happy dan bangga dengan cik yani.

Nenek sempat tengok keluarga cik yani.Sempat bersama setiap kali cik yani melahirkan anak-anak cik yani.Sempat membantu sewaktu cik yani berpantang dan sempat menjaga semua anak-anak cik yani walaupon cik yani tak minta.Nenek juga sempat tengok anak cik yani bersekolah dan sempat melihat anak kelima cik yani walaupon waktu tu nenek sedang sakit tenat.

Nenek sakit tak lama.Cuma 3 bulan.Kemudian nenek kembali kepada penciptanya.Sewaktu hari terakhir nenek cik yani bawa anak-anak keluar sempena cuti am.Balik malam tuh cik yani rasa sangat nak terus kerumah makcik tempat nenek berada.Tapi disebabkan anak-anak keletihan cik wan ajak balik rumah dulu.Kami becadang esoknya pagi-pagi kami akan menjengok nenek.Tapi lewat malam tuh kami dapat panggilan nenek dah pon pulang ke rahmatullah.Allah je yang tau perasaan cik yani. Airmata bagai tak mahu keluar disebabkan terlalu sebak hinggalah pagi tuh cik yani mandikan nenek.Barulah cik yani terima hakikat ketiadaan nenek dan berjuraianlah air mata cik yani pagi  tu.

Enam bulan nenek pergi.Semua orang menyatakan rindu dendam pada nenek.Luahkan rasa hati masing-masing tapi cik yani tak boleh.Sebab hati cik yani terluka sangat dengan kehilangan nenek.Tak pernah ada peristiwa lain yang melukakan hati cik yani selain dari kehilangan nenek.Bila keluarga mengimbau kenangan bersama nenek cik yani akan bangun perlahan-lahan dan tinggalkan perbulan tersebut.Sekali pon cik yani belum pernah jenguk kubur nenek sebab cik yani tak sanggup. Cik yani pendam rasa sendiri.Allah je yang tau apa yang cik yani rasa.Sekali-sekala bila teringat cik yani akan sebut tapi tak mendalam.

Satu hari cik yani dengar Professor Muhaya bercakap perihal menerima hakikat kematian.Dia cakap anggap orang yang kita sayang tu cuma beralih alam.Ke alam yang lebih dekat dengan pencipta.Dan lihat sewaktu dia pergi dia sempat menyebut nama Allah dan matinya denga tenang.InsyaAllah dia tenang disana.Akhirnya perlahan-lahan cik yani mula terima hakikat kematian nenek.Nenek dah pon berpindah ke alam yg lebih dekat dengan Allah dan mungkin dah jumpa dengan suaminya semula selepas berpuluh tahun terpisah.Nenek mungkin lebih tenang disana.Apa yang boleh cik yani buat disini cuma sedekahkan al-fatihah bila setiap kali cik yani rindukan nenek...

Al fatihah...

Along sayang nenek sampai bila-bila.......

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Learning to breastfeeding for new mom-Aisyah Patthi

Right from the very beginning, hubby and me were one and unified that my Baby Riduan should be breastfeed as soon as he is delivered. I honestly thought it was the most natural and basic instinct of any mother and felt like it was a no-brainer. I didn't even find the time to read up about it or even expect any sort of challenges. Guess how wrong I was? Well, I was about 80% wrong. Yup that's right...What I really need right now is to bust out a Jim Rohn quote so that I can mentally slap myself:
  If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!  
It ain't no walk in the park honey
It was a skill that I needed to learn and it almost crushed me to bits. If it wasn't for the support that I got from my darling hubby, my family and friends, I think I would have given up right from the first three hours after giving birth. With this in mind, I do hope that this sharing from me will encourage new mothers out there to brave out the first few unexpectedly challenging days of breastfeeding and stick to it.

Challenge #1: No nurse! Don't give baby the bottle!
Sometimes it boggles the mind how private medical practices work nowadays. Feeding our babies should start within the first hour as soon as he or she is out from our tummies right? Guess how long Baby Riduan waited before I managed to feed him? A full three hours! Madness! It took all of my leftover energy after his birth to stop them from feeding Baby Riduan formula milk. There's a kazillion reasons why breastfeeding is awesome (infact, this brilliant website has 101 reasons!) but essentially breastfeeding provides perfect nutrition for our little babes. So mommies, challenge the system and let your babies have the best nutrition naturally!

Challenge #2: Latch me on mommy =(
I very clearly remember that in the first two weeks I nearly gave up. I just couldn't get Baby Riduan to latch on and feed. He would cry for hours at a time just because he didn't get enough milk from me. Well mommy forgot one crucial message from the term "breastfeeding"...mommy was nipple feeding! Haha, I nearly fell off my chair laughing hard when I came across that bit of information ^_^ That set me out on a mission to learn HOW to breastfeed and I did a ton of searching:
  1. Go meet your midwife - This is the number one person that any new unexperienced breastfeeding mother should meet. She will set you straight on how to hold your baby and where to aim your baby's mouth. InsyaAllah, it will be soooo much easier with the help of this wonderful lady
  2. Read up! - I read countless amount of internet sharing and subscribed to online support groups so that I can better understand where I went wrong. Here you can read a lot about the basics of breastfeeding. Here and here are great support groups
  3. Talk about it with other mommies - This helps A LOT. Not only are these fantastic ladies loaded with years of experience, they are very supportive too! I got a lot of help from my bestfriend Linda who already has two darling daughters and she was the one who spotted that I didn't manage to latch on Baby Riduan properly and everything about what I was doing looked awkward. She was the one who put me on my road of searching. And then there was Kak Yati who was my partner in breastfeeding research as she was pregnant with her second baby the same time as me. Check out my Samsung Galaxy SII screenshot that I took of our conversation way back then:

Challenge #3: It hurts baby!
This has everything to do with Challenge #2. In my wee experience, if you fail to latch on the baby properly, chances are you are going to really hurt yourself. Not only your baby wont get enough milk but you yourself will suffer much pain and agony. At the beginning because I didn't know any better, one of my nipples cracked and I dread breastfeeding. Plus, since I only then preferred the one side that didn't hurt, now they are both lopsided. Double whammy. Hoho, do not under-estimate the power of baby's feeding. So then I went on another hunt to ease the pain so to speak. What I found out was that it all has to do with proper latching. Once I got that mastered, everything evened out and I found out from my midwife that a cracked nipple can easily be remedied with your own breast milk, much like a moisturizer.

And last but not least, all of this thought me a wonderful lesson
God gave me a wonderfully easy way to feed my baby. Personally, I think this is one of the many reasons why I love becoming a full-time stay at home mommy, working my business from the cosy belly of my home and it is my duty to share my experience to those who are searching. Yes, it was hard and yes, I nearly gave up. But the rewards are priceless. So hang in there new mommies, its worth the hard work and pain!

Thank you all for letting me share this with you ^_^

Your friend,
{ Aisyah }